the girl who sold ice cream in hell..

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the truth today.. may be a lie tomorrow..
or 5 minutes from now...

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i open eyes...
my thoughts are of you...

for a second.. hope was born.. then dies..
a hope that you're beside me...
you with your morning beauty...
your face.. covered by your long hair..
your lips.. slightly parted..
like it's longing for a kiss..
a kiss that i wouldn't mind giving...

yes...
even in the morning..
with my eyes open..
i still dream..

with every passing minute..
i distract myself with reality...
i drown myself in the company of faces..
a crowd of names..
and all that i notice...
is you not being there..

i close my eyes..
and thoughts of you invade my mind..
like stars that flood the black sky..
the kiss that i cannot taste...
the warmth that doesn't exists..
yes.. even before i sleep..
with my eyes close..
i still dream..

and i'd see you there..
maybe in a lolita dress..
holding a butcher's knife..
looking at me...
or sitting in a coffee shop..
smiling and laughing..
or in hell selling ice cream..
looking all pretty with your braided hair..
outside the waking world..
i know i'd see you there..

i open my eyes...
my thoughts are of you..

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the dream's over

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one day.. we will all gonna run out of excuses..

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"if you want to be special.. you're gonna have to be alone.."

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"what do you do when you win?"

"party!"

"what do you do when you lose..?"

"PARTY HARDER!"
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sometimes.. all we need is a dead end..

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"if you want to know the truth about someone.. that someone is the last person you should ask.."

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"come back here you stupid bird and let me love you!"

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"you don't take things seriously because they matter.. and when they matter.. you get hurt.."

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i fucking barely know you..
so yes.. i can easily forget you..
yeah yeah.. you're funny.. but you're not the only one..
you're beautiful.. but there are more beautiful girls than you.. with tattoos if i may add..
yes you're smart.. but i know a lot of smart women too..
yes.. it's true that there wasn't a day that i haven't thought about you since..
i can still remember the pink poncho like thingy you wore the first time you caught my eyes..
the way you rushed because you're running late..
the 1.8 second eye contact..
and the mini heart attack that it gave me..
yeah i can still remember..
but you're not the only awesome person in the world..
it's true that i want to be the right person for you...
but you didn't want me.. you don't want me...
i tried showing you who i really am..
and you didn't like it..
you don't like me...
so it's a dead end for me right..?
so i'll just forget you...


...

who the hell am i kidding...

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that moment..
when your phone beeps or rings..
and you hope it is that person who's trying to reach you...

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another friday night..
i m not sure if you noticed but it was always friday when i got to spend time with you...
well yeah.. those 5 minutes counts...
i'm drinking.. trying my best not to reach you..
i don't want to be that pesky desperate guy..
i'm afraid that i'll just annoy you or say something stupid..
i'm not sure how long i can hold it.. or hold this..
i hope i can get through the night..
i still think about you..
all the time unfortunately...
i hope i'd stop..
but do i really want to..?
i'm writing another letter i'm sure you wouldn't read..
crazy.. yeah.. i know...
i'm trying my best to function..
i'm still able to..
as long as i'm able to ignore this heavy feeling in my heart..
i'm able to get through the day..
but i'm having lapses...
even with the company of friends.. i still fell lonesome..

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i know i'm not miserable..
but i can't say i'm happy..

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"if i could.. i would.. but i can't.. so i shan't.."

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so here i am..
stalking your facebook page again... :)
which is pathetic if you think about it.. but what the hell...
i saw this status of yours.. saying something about hearts colliding with his name tagged at the end..
i hope your hearts were crushed when it collided..
i'm joking.. but jokes are half meant.. so. :3
well i threw my heart to you..
i missed..

fuck...

i don't think about you that much anymore..
ever since i read about that stupid fucking status...
to be honest.. i was thinking of confronting you..
i want to ask you directly if you already like someone...
i guess i don't have to now..
i feel stupid..

fuck..

but you're not the center of the universe..
neither am i...
so in the big scheme of things.. it's not that bad..

still..
i still feel the same way about you..
and i feel stupid...

but i do hope you're happy...
i think i already accepted the fact that i am the one farthest from your mind..

i hope he breaks your heart.. :)

this is the last time that i'm gonna bitch and whine about you...
it's been days.. and i haven't heard from you...
but i'm not hoping anymore...
i don't check my phone every minute just to check if you have a text..
i guess i'm not that crazy about you anymore..
but that doesn't mean my feelings changed..

it sounds crazy because we really didn't spend much time together..
but i was confident when i said those words to you..
when you told me "i see you as a friend"..
unfortunately.. i still feel the same way..

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pinagiisipan ko nun kung isusulat ko ba talaga to..?
but i thought.. well you weren't interested in me.. so malabo na mabasa mo to...
well the idea is..
one day.. after a year or so... i'm gonna read this shit again..
and naiisip ko lang..
would i laugh because of the fact that i was stupid..?
or would i smile because i'm with the girl who sold ice cream in hell..

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